before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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