this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
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If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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