i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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