Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
