just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
