that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
