He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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