Jerry, you need to find god
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
