The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
