i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick