I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.