had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Everything about him screamed your future.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila