One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.