I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Life without a bra equals bliss.