K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.