just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?