I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize