I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
