Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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