He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
