Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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