Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just had sex bonerless
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
