And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
