I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
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So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
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painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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