She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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