So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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