Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
