I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
