Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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