My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
