I need help removing her.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
