You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
