Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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