I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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