Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
