You just made me feel so damn special
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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