I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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