Im at strip club and am horny
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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