i permit you to call me
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
