Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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