whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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