Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
