Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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