I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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