remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
