I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
