I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
