In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
