omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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