you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
