I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
