I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
