thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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