PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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