one two three fourrrrnication!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Randomize
