I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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