He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
