Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
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Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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