He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
