I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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