Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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