youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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