What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
