Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
