I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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