you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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