ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
