he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
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Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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